Whiny, traitorious, punk-ass tub of lard.

This used to be my favorite week of the year.

The past two years, of course, have been filled more with dread and despair than excitement for the best rivalry in college sports. I try to temper my expectations, and my trash talk, so not to get crushed by another loss to Ohio State. They still crush me.

So this year, I’m throwing caution to the wind. My blood boils every time I see Scarlet and Gray, and a whole week of suppressing my hate is only going to serve to make me even more irritable. This is very likely my last Ohio State game as a student, and I can’t hold back any longer. Instead, it’s time for an airing of grievances, Buckeye-style:

1. Hey, Michael Wilbon gets away with this, so I’ll try it too: I’ve heard on “very good authority” that Terrelle Pryor got paid to attend Ohio State. He also has a horrendous taste in suits. And the throwing arm of a little girl.
2. Yes, Jim Tressel wears a sweater-vest, drinks Mike’s Hard Cranberry Lemonade, watches That’s So Raven, and wears Uggs. I have proof:
   

   But they're so comfortable!

3. Justin Boren appears to have dressed up for Halloween as some frightening cross between Rich Rodriguez and Charlie Weis, just seconds before Weisriguez contracted herpes.
4. Maurice Clarett’s prison jumpsuit is completely lint-free, thank you very much.
5. Presented without comment:

   

6. 57-42-6

Yes, we may suck, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out on the rivalry fun this year. Go Blue!

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